How to have certainty in times of crisis and dispair

If things were so easy as to believe right away our lives would be in much better shape. The image that accompanies this post says we need to trust that everything that is happening is redirecting us to our better destination. Easier say than done Right?

I have written about certainty may times in my life and yet, I still struggle with this from time to time (just yesterday I was struggling in between trusting what I am going through is for the best and wanting things to be my way). I have to confess that the more I practice certainty in times of despair the easier it becomes to stay in that state and, well, the easier it is for me to see results.

What I am going through is nothing in comparison with what other people are going through. But I have also learned that what’s happening to me seems huge because, well, it’s happening to me. That has given me empathy to understand that what other people are going through (no matter how big or small it may seem) it’s big to them and I can’t judge them because I am not in their shoes.

But let’s go back to having certainty. I was injured for almost a year and a half in 2013-2014. After finally learning the lesson I recovered and have been able to be healthy and running better than ever. This year I was doing my fastest, hardest workouts in my whole life (at 45!). Then pneumonia came. No problem I thought, a week or two and I will be out of this. Of course at this point I should know life has its own timeline and it never fits our timeline. While I had pneumonia I started having pain in my achilles tendon. I decided to be proactive and went to see Dr McJunking and got PRP (Platelet Rich Plasma). He said to take four days off and then gradually come back to running. I took those days off and I ran 6 miles on Sunday. It felt weird but not bad. Then I ran 8 miles on Monday. Same discomfort but no pain. Then I ran 10 miles with pick ups yesterday. No pain, just discomfort. As the day progressed my ankle started to get swollen and I started to panic… Don’t I know better? (apparently no).I called the doctor’s office and he said it was normal to have some swelling and he asked me to take today off to make sure the swelling was not getting worse…. that’s when I had a mini panic attack followed by a great self talk about certainty and where the idea for this blog came out.

my swollen ankle

My self pep talk comes from years of seeing what having certainty that things happen for the best does for you (and from years of meditation and mental training). Let me explain. Some of you know I was married before. At the end it was pretty bad for both of us. But being the daughter of divorced parents and having so many people telling me I was going to end divorced as well I just wanted to prove them wrong. Then I got into religion and the religion I was following told me I had to endure everything that was happening and not get a divorce. Then it became unbearable and I realize I just had to trust God (life, the universe, whatever you want to call it) and pray in the right way. So instead of praying “please let me save this marriage” I started praying “please let me see what’s best for us even if it’s not what I want. Please let me see what’s the path I need to follow so we can both be happy”. Long story short a series of events (right people, right words, etc) happened and I got the guts to walk away from that relationship. In the end he is happily married to a great woman and I am happily married to the best man I could have ever ask for (and we have our fantastic daughter Kori).

My family, the best thing that has happened to me… even when Kori is not too thrilled to be at the Disney carousel!

The next time I came across having to have certainty and trust life was when I moved to the USA. I was swimming here and going to grad school and I had a full time job at the Mexican Consulate. I was SO happy! I remember waking up every morning thinking I had the best life (I still was single). Then one day for political reasons (my uncle was minister of foreign affairs in Mexico and a journalist ran a story about me, he said it was impossible to be swimming, going to school and working at the same time and that I was just getting paid because my uncle was who he was. The journalist gave me a nickname “the pain in the ass niece” (those were my five minutes of fame)… let me tell you, if that was the case I would be the first one to admit it! but it wasn’t…). Long story short I had to quit my job. That was my income, the way I was paying school and living expenses so it was hard but, somehow, I had this utter calm and certainty that this was the best thing to happen to me. I was so certain something better was going to come along. Of course, I had my moments of starting doubting but I immediately reminded myself there was a bigger, better plan. While I didn’t know what the plan was, I started giving my resume to many companies here in the USA (I always wanted to stay here, since I was a little girl). I applied for waitress jobs, for CEO jobs, anything! Then I called Scottsdale Aquatic Club (I was swimming somewhere else… shame on me! 😉 )and I asked if they had openings. The answer was no so I asked if I could come be a volunteer, learn how they do things and in the process show them what a great worker I am so when they had openings they would hire me right away. They said “sure”. I came to SC and they told me I was going to be helping Kevin… 12 years later I am still helping Kevin (but now around the house!). Kevin and I went out after 3 months I was helping at SAC (at this pint I was already hired). 20 days after our first date we got engaged. Less than two months later we were married and after 10 months Kori was here. I am so thankful I got fired from the Mexican Consulate because, as happy as I was there, I would have never become the mom of the most precious little girl, I would have not found my soul mate (as cheesy as it sounds) and I would have never started running (Kevin kinda gave me that idea).

SAC pool (and Kori swimming)

So, yesterday when my ankle was swollen and I started to panic I just had to remind myself things happen for a reason and there always is a better plan for us even if we can’t see it right away. I went to bed trusting, not loving it, but trusting this too was for the best.

This morning I woke up and the swelling s gone. I am taking the day off running just to be cautious. I will go back running tomorrow and hopefully everything will go according to my plan (I have a race in four weeks and 25K National Championships in mid May). But, if it doesn’t go according to MY plan I will trust that, just like in any situation I haven’t liked but trusted, something great will come out of this.

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